Thinking of her

When things in your past come back to you it makes you think of other things from that same time, so when I start to think of what was 5 years ago it takes me back to a person who was very important and influential in my life. Most of my friends never knew her, and no one in my family did. However the impact she had on my life influenced the decisions that led me to where I am, and whether good or bad, they made me who I am. I'll never get back the conversations we would have for hours on end, I've never been with someone who could keep me talking ALL night long and was a genuine friend and companion like that.


She died of breast cancer 5 years ago and my heart was shattered, I never even told my closest friends or family, I always played it off in my head as a small point in my life that I would learn to forget. And I almost did, but that was wrong, because I cared for her more than any one person i've ever cared for in my life, and it brings me to tears knowing that she'll never be around to make me smile when i've had a bad day or comfort me when something goes wrong. I'll never have those conversations where we would be talking around 6 pm and i would look up and see it was 3am in the morning.

I know i'll never get her back but I can't get her out of my head now, so i'm writing, i'm hoping that I can at least leave some memory of her here so I don't feel the guilt of trying to pretend like she wasn't a part of my life. I probably should have done this years ago. No one understood me like she did and maybe that's why I have such a hard time with relationships and stay away from them, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get past it. But I will try and I will try to be the person she saw in me and be the person she wanted me to be.

I'm moving on now, better late than never. RIP
(Girl on the left)