Welcome back me

It was a busy summer, working crazy and weird hours throughout the week and then working the weekends a lot. It didn't leave me much time to do anything, I didn't go on any trips and I didn't have time to write in my precious blog...right...

Anyway, as you can imagine there's been a lot that's pissed me off or influenced my mind a lot lately and you'll probably hear about it. If I get this job with Clifford Jacobs forging working 3pm-11pm I might not have any time to write so i'll make the most of it while I can. In the meantime I also got my Insurance license for Illinois but I didn't realize how hard it was to get started in Insurance, not only are businesses hard to get a meeting with, even your friends and family balk at you even trying to give them advice, that stigma about insurance salesman is so true.

I have a new niece Ava, which is pretty exciting and takes even less pressure off of me to make a grand baby, of course the pressure is still there to carry on the Jacobson name but that can wait.

Blah blah blah this blog is boring Josh, get on to something exciting...well other than kicking ass like i normally do there's not a whole lot else to say you dont already know, the Packers are going to win the superbowl, the Illini Football team is going to a bowl game this year and our basketball team's gonna win a national championship!

And one last thing, Team JJ is 4-0 in this years fantasy football league so far, and i'm looking to take the title...because i'm awesome.


p.s.- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY HEIDI AND JEREMY!

A Super Sonic thought!

I have channeled my inner Nostradamus and have selected events to foretelling the return of the Seattle Super Sonics basketball team to Washington!

The signs will be as follows!

1) Ken Griffey JR finally retires from baseball and takes up permanent residence in the Seattle area, while here he will take a job as an executive with Nike.

2) Nike executives secretly put one of their own people up for mayor of Seattle, this man will win the election, the citizens will be somewhat oblivious to what's going on.

3) Phil Knight uses his vast resources to build a new 300 million dollar stadium in downtown Seattle claiming for it to be a "Nike athletes training center."

4) Shawn Kemp, Ken Griffey JR and Gary Payton join forces in a coalition for the betterment of Seattle athletics fans lives. Through a fund raising project among the state of Washington and with state legislature funding they are able to raise 140 million dollars, the people by now see what's going on and start to take interest in revitalizing an NBA franchise.

5) Ken Griffey JR subsequently bitch slaps David Stern and the leader of the group called "Citizens for more Important things" Chris Van Dyke. Shockwave felt all over the country and people bow to the greatness that is "The Kid."

6) Upon completion of the new stadium, Nike uses the 140 million dollars that was raised and announces the return of one of the oldest NBA franchises. The money is used to hire a top notch coach and 2 max salary studs who will lead the team to great heights (just not past the Bulls). Ken Griffey JR, Shawn Kemp and Gary Payton have statues erected of them in downtown Seattle, and the people see them as heroes.


This will probably happen, i'm somewhat of a prognosticating genius, and if it doesn't...oh well it's just Seattle.


Stay tuned next week when i discuss the finer points of vehicle maintenance, because i'm tired of people not knowing!

10 Worst Sports Announcers (alive)...seriously

There are some voices in sports that make me cringe and angry just to hear them. I seriously wish my opinion meant something so I could get these pathetic people off of tv. For now i'll just make my top 10 list. Plus i'm also angry from watching tonights Illinois game so it's just fueling my fire.


10. Billy Packer (pretty much the anti Illini, if you're from Champaign you hate this guy)
9. Troy Aikman (we get it, you know the game...that doesn't mean you get to act like a douche bag on the air)
8. Chris Berman (The Swami...yeah you had your hay day when espn was new...please retire...or just go somewhere...)
7. Clark Kellog (nothing to say but LOL)
6. Doris Burke (this dyke does college basketball sometimes...send her and whoever thought it would be a great idea to put her on air to an island somewhere)
5. Lou Holtz (occasionally does college football but never succeeds at color commentary...and if i see another Dr Lou segment i might go insane)
4. Erin Andrews (I know she's just a sideline reporter, but i'm very thankful that she hasn't moved up to something better like a color commentator, she's awful in every sense of the word Journalism...complete garbage)
3. Phil Simms (This guy had a great arm as a QB...but he has shit for brains and he doesn't know when to shut up, we really dont care about your opinion mr simms..)
2. Chris Collinsworth (he should get biggest douche bag on TV award with Kanye, and the he should be taken behind a woodshed and shot)
1. Joe Buck (2005 ALCS, the only thing i kept hearing during that great series that put to tears to my eyes was Joe Buck talking about how the White Sox didn't deserve to be there, they went 11-1 in that postseason and won the world series you dipshit...he hasn't gotten any better at his job since and the fact i keep seeing him spew his garbage in major sporting events makes me hate him even more every time i see him... WORST SPORTS ANNOUNCER OF ALL TIME!)


If everyone called a game like Bill Raftery sports would be so much better to watch.

Das ist mein team!!!

So I almost never watch the Olympics, ever. It's not that I find them boring I just find them pointless. No one plays for national pride anymore they play for fame and cash, and some even get endorsements. So I thought, this is only the case in the major sports and huge countries. That's when I had a brainstorm! I'm gonna watch the Olympics and throw my support behind a random tiny country!


My selection process was pretty simple, get a list of the small countries participating and draw a name out of a hat. Ingenious right? So who was the lucky winner of my undying and fanatical support? The great country of Liechtenstein! Population 32,000... Small enough to be an underdog but I was a little concerned because technically they're German speaking people, how would they possibly understand me? It's ok though because they're my team now and it's time to do some research. Crap...the last time they won ANYTHING in the winter Olympics was in 1980 and 1984... Well lets just see what events they're competing in shall we? Alpine Skiing and Bobsleigh...that's it? Ok Bobsleigh it is then, my support will be with Lichtenstein bobsleigher Jürgen Berginz and his crazy team of...well they're going down a mountain in a metal sled at breakneck speeds... winter olympics suck...


So my country is picked and my team is set, the game is on! I hope to see this flag http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Flag_of_Liechtenstein.svg flying proudly when the dust settles!


I will update this thread after the olympics so I can come back and gloat on the greatness that was Lichtenstein!


Update: So they sucked, but that won't deter me from future predictions or support!

I don't spend a lot of money at all anymore, i'm kinda terrified to let it go because of what happened last year. But I gotta say that i've never made this good of a purchase, these headphones i bought are AMAZING. They make listening to music a million trillion times better.

I'm almost low tone deaf so i don't enjoy music like i used to, but with these...it's unbelievable...

What headphones you say?

http://www.sonystyle.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10551&storeId=10151&langId=-1&productId=8198552921665520560


Those bad boys...for the price..you cant beat it...

It's Illi-Noy...NOT ILLI NOISE

If i hear one more person pronounce Illinois as Illinoise...i'm gonna lose my god damn mind and go on a kitten punching spree...


Seriously is it really that hard to keep the S silent? I mean really? We all went to grade school right? Oh wait it's mostly southerners that pronounce it like that and most of them cant spell their own names let alone pronounce a state that was named after an Indian tribe... GRR!


Bite the curb you hicks!

ugh...politics

So i thought "great idea, i'm going to join the Libertarian party". Because i was thinking how much i hate the two main parties and how you can't possibly be anything but one or the other in most peoples eyes. But lately the agenda of the Libertarian party is "lets just not do anything that will piss off the democrats or republicans."

So here i am, without a party affiliation but with a lot of thoughts on what i want my party to represent. I'm not Liberal and i'm not conservative, i dont lean a little to the left or a little to the right, and i'm certainly not "in between" because i dont consider myself to have to choose between those two. I'm just myself, and i'm tired of the typical crap that our politicians try to pull, especially being that i live in Illinois anyone who reads this can understand after the two governors we've had.

What we need in office is common sense, and no agenda, people who will do what's right for the people not what's right for campaign contributors. But there's to many hands in to many pockets so this will never come true. We'll forever be stuck with the Obama's and Bush's of the world.

Facing Life

I truly have a deep appreciation for life, sometimes i forget to think about it but for the most part when i wake up, i appreciate that first thought upon waking. I've learned to find happiness in all the little things, that's why i say i'm an easily entertained person.

I wasn't always like this though, it took a near death experience a few years back to make me open my eyes, to make me see who was really there for me and cared. Most of the people who know me already know what happened but long story short, my stomach had issues.

When you're lying in a hospital bed for weeks with nothing to do you tend to do a lot of thinking, especially on the night when the doctors said they didn't think i was going to make it. I don't think a lot of my friends and family realize exactly the impact this had on me cause i've never really talked about it. You question everything though, for instance, is this how it's going to end? What's going to come after that if it does? How many people will actually miss me? You think about the things you still want to do.

It was hell, and i hope i live a very long time before i ever have to worry about asking questions like that again. But it made me a better person, it got me more in touch with my emotions than ever, and it made me realize that life is very fragile. I get disgusted with people who don't appreciate the lives they have, because i've been to the edge, i've seen my own mortality. I've always had a unique outlook on death, death is the great comedy, because we mourn for people who die when we should be happy that they're in a better place with no evil. Death is easy, death to me is a right of passage, when you're time is due then you've obviously earned it and i wish you the best.

I'm rambling so i'll just finish by saying that we need to make a more conscious effort to accept what we cant change and learn to appreciate all the little things that make life what it is, we'll all be much happier people when that happens.

Goodnight.

NATGEO BABY!

I used to be subscribed to about... oh 10 different magazines up until about 3 years ago then i finally decided that there's enough information out there i don't really need 4000 magazines. But today National Geographic hit a home run with me in this subscription offer they sent in the mail, i could hardly contain myself.

Not only did they offer me a year of the magazine for $12 but they threw in a world map!

Hot damn! No more getting lost trying to find the Congo for this guy again, now i'll know exactly how to chart my way to the farthest reaches of the world and back again! With a cheap NatGeo mag i can afford to go big game hunting in Australia or even (dare i say it) SWIM THE GANGES...


Lots of possibilities abound for me thanks to the wonderful people of National Geographic, i can hardly contain my enthusiasm to read about the tribal people of the amazon, The AMAHUACA, and possibly visiting them without getting eaten by Giant Anacondas. Dodging the arrows of native skull hunters and blowing up the river boats of the local Cartels. I feel like Nathan Drake about to go on an adventure of a lifetime!

Yes, the only thing stopping me now is the enormous amount of debt i'm still in and my actual lack of knowledge of basic wilderness survival techniques. But give me just $24 worth of time and i'll obtain the knowledge and have at least two world maps and i'll be on my way!

For those of you who are jealous i challenge you to get your NatGeo world map and join me in imagining a new future...why the hell not!

Things

I was going to right about things that annoy me, but there's been to much negative lately so i decided to include things that make me happy as well. But im talking about little things that annoy me or make me happy here not big things, so it's my top ten lists.


Happy List
----------
1) Family
2) The smell of fresh cut grass in the summer
3) 7000 horsepower top fuel dragsters
4) Subaru's
5) Warm pillows
6) Baseball season
7) Car shows
8) Reading good books
9) Random humor
10)Catching up with old friends

Annoy me list
-------------
1) Tardiness (show up on time assholes)
2) Know it alls (fuck you)
3) Skanks (you're not hot you're disgusting)(also known as dirty girls)
4) People with no sense of humor (try smiling just once you tight ass)
5) People who run red lights (see blog archive)
6) Chicks with gold skin (they get their own line but you could argue they're dg's)
7) Cold weather
8) Ignorance
9) Pleather furniture
10)People who think they're better than everyone else


Short lists, both could have had more but this should be good enough...

Jeff Dunham fans are idiots.

It's a simple fact that can't be disputed, if you like this ventriloquist performer you can't possibly have all the required brain cells to function like a normal human. Don't get me wrong, i love comedy, all kinds and very rarely do i find a form that i can't find hilarious no matter how offensive. But this man is awful, he's worse than Ellen DeGeneres on a drunken binder.

Lets take this a step further and actually break down one of his acts. He brings out various personalities like "peanut" and "achmed" and has conversations with them...OMG SO GROUND BREAKING! Normally ventriloquists merely give me a headache but after watching half of one of his acts i was actually looking for a fork to gouge my eyes out it was so awful. For some reason people eat this up, but if you look at EVERY SINGLE ventriloquist you'll find that they're all the same, and no matter what puppets they use the acts are all pretty similar.

I would like to have a Jeff Dunham DVD burning party but that would require people to actually go out and buy one of his dvd's and i just can't have that happening. You've gotta have the IQ of a Chimp to enjoy this crap, almost as bad as Dane Cook fans...and please don't get me started with that...


Jeff Dunham sucks, wake up morons.

It's a red light you asshole!

OMG nothing gets my chili running hotter than when that one prick is sitting in the left turn lane behind a car, and when the light turns red the dude who's in the middle of the turn lane goes, and this asshole tries to tailgate him to turn left. But oh no, he can't get far because the prick was sitting ten feet behind the white line not paying attention so then he holds up all the traffic that has a green light!

One of these days i'm gonna lose it and just drive out there and let the son of a bitch hit me...GRRR!!! If i were a cop i would be such an asshole, i would give tickets to everyone who did this and if they mouthed off i would throw their ass in jail!

Ah...i feel so much better now...

Thoughts on a Saturday night.

Just a posting of random thoughts that run through my head while i'm sober and awake on a boring saturday night.


"I wonder what she looks like naked."

"Is this salsa supposed to be sticking to my teeth?"

"Mike Leach is gonna be super rich."

"I have to be at work at 10 on a sunday...fml"

"I wonder what oven mitts were first made of?"

"This girl is crazy fun to talk to...hmmm."

"I feel like eating bananas but i'm not in the mood for the banana after taste."

"Should i shower now or in the morning?...decisions decisions!"

"Michigan State better win this damn game..."